yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Sorry about last night..I didnt realize how drunk you were and when I closed the door it caused you to slam into the mirror...you'll probably piece together the puzzle when you read this and see your hand.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I ended up in a shower with 9 people and a bunch of unopened beer last night. I think I got peed on. Hands were everywhere. We sold the peed on beer to people knocking on the hotel room door.
Wow, now I'm sad I didn't go.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
The air was thick with penises
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
We are going to the humane society and getting you microchipped so you don't get lost on your birthday. Either that or your getting a child leash
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
