Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
i woke up in his bed, he had my shirt on
and high school musical 3 was playing on his lap top
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
If I knew losing weight would mean this many fucking creepers I would've just stayed fat.
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
