i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
he just sat there, in the doorway of my dorm room, chuggin a fifth like nobodys buisness.. don't know whether to fuck him or be afraid of his confidence
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
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