Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
That arnold schwarzeneger picture looks strikingly similar to paul
Not half as good looking as paul
I'd say paul has bigger bicep peaks, but who am I to judge
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
Who knew removing piercings would be so radical?
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
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