I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
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The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
I don't know what's happening. Everyone is wearing beaks.
I'm hungover as fuck. My vagina hurts. I locked my keys in my car. It's about 93* outside. We're having sex in the pool when I get home
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
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My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize