I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
pop tarts are not kleenex
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Tomorrow is Have Sex and Climb A Mountain Day. We have amazing dates.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I don't understand why you aren't on this trip all I do is smoke weed drink beer and get fingered
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
So red wine goes with eggs, right? Because that's all I have in the house to cook and the drinking options are either wine or scotch
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
Randomize
