shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Dude I walked 1.4 miles through the hotel wearing a cowboy hat, pink topped boots, gucci shades, and a scarf and met my parents in the hallway at 7 am how is this not a good start to Vegas?
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm sorry I told you to go fuck yourself after you said good morning to me when I was hungover.
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize