I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
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