Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
She has an emergency bra in her purse. I'm gonna check no on the 'introducing her to my new boyfriend' box.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
