can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I have sand in every orifice, there are bruises everywhere, and I smell like a distillery. I love summer.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
From what I remember I had fun, until I threw up, and lost my shoes..
Randomize
