so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
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She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
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Can vaginas get frostbite?
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
be right there i have to get my cape
She's walking to the bar while holding a fifth of fireball, talking on the phone and puking like its nothing out of the ordinary
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize