I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
I haven't even gone in yet. I'm sitting in the waiting room playing a game i like to call "Who else is here for AA".
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
So I got this new job… ever been fucked in a corner office before?
Are ropes allowed in during conjugals?
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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