My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
that's an acceptable place to lick
He's gotten way too comfortable around me. He came into the bathroom and took a shit while I was in the shower.
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
Randomize
