You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
And if it was a miscarriage you should figure out whose it was. He must be an alphamale for his offspring to sustain life this long in the amusement park that is your body
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
She calls him the walking dildo to his face. That relationship is already fucked up.
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