you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
He's getting me an energy drink and said good morning beautiful. He must sense i'm cutting him off from the sex.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
what's your room number? I've never been there sober...
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
is it sad that a disney movie is making me horny?
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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