Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
It's just like the Real World with babies
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
Randomize
