You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Life just isn't the same without him waking me up at 4 in the afternoon with a look of pity on his face...
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
So she said she could really go for a cheeseburger and I remembered I had one in my pocket. No idea where it came from.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Randomize
