Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
She texted me and said she was fingering herself. Don't respond to this because she's the perfect girl. I'd love to smell her cell phone after that.
I assume you meant to text someone else on your contact list instead of your own mother...
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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