Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Oh god theyre drunkenly throwing knifes now, definitely the best movie I've worked on
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
Randomize
