She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
Hello you've reached the get a clue corp. Our business hours are from take a hint to figure it out, eastern standard time. If you prefer to leave a message, don't, call back when you're not crazy, fat, and annoying.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
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