While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
I'm just trying to think of how much money Little Debbie would make if pot was legalized.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
the last thing I remember is taking a pull of ever clear and chasing it with vodka
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
OH GOD IT TASTES LIKE IT SMELLS
Randomize
