I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
dude when I get home wanna help me fulfill my dream of smoking a bowl out of my saxophone?
i’m not very adjusted to having free time. for example, I forgot how much fun it is to masturbate.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
I swear I was in Legend of Zelda Twilight Princess and American Ninja Warrior at the same time. I'm never getting high while rock climbing again.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Randomize
