I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
well i fell out of the hot tub and tumbled down the hill and kicked a plant in the process.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
It's acceptable to bring him back to my parents house and fuck on the couch right??
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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