So drunk its hurt
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
I'm starting to second guess shaving my vagina over the kitchen sink. The lighting is so much better though.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
I'm glad your nude photos turned out "classy" but you cannot hang them in the living room.
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
Uber southern baptist grandma and uber flaming cousin just got into an argument about whether jesus is OK with gay marriage. Aren't these things only supposed to happen at Thanksgiving?
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
