I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
If I die tonight, you and your brother can split my money evenly for college only.
all $38?
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
Randomize
