I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
don't worry, i have a range rover and a brother hopped up on steroids.. we can solve this little misunderstanding quite easily.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
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And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
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I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
Most drunken moment of the night is me pouring Chanel no. 5 all over your boobs and rubbing it in...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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