just took my ibuprofen with ramen broth, yay college
i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
He gave me a promise ring. He promised that he will imagine me as every girl he fucks in college.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
