the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
My biggest accomplishment thus far this summer is having sex 5 weeks after hip surgery.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Definitely ended up doing Coke with Chewbacca in the porta potty behind the haunted house.
Randomize
