Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Just saw the pics from the bachelor party. When the hell did we go to southie. And why was there a chicken in the limo..? You guys really are my best friends.
Randomize
