my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
Just walked by a guy on campus YELLING 'Im still hammered'
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
All I saw was a purple blob and poking out from under was part of a green shirt. Took me a minute to realize it was him under that beast.Thought I should ask if he was actually breathing and conscience but then I saw him slowly exploring what few brave men have done before.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
when you're a senior and the freshman guy you wake up next to asks who you are, you DO NOT give him your real name.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Quit being awkward towards me every time the group is together. They're going to figure out we're fucking.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
