If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
like semen in my mouth is absolutely disgusting but i'd still like to experience it
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I just realized I wasn't at the party anymore. I was just sitting there with a vacuum.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
