Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
party at the soccer house. crumbs in my sexy panties. can't. put. pieces. together.
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
Randomize
