My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
You all can go fuck yourselves. As far as I'm concerned, don't come back to karaoke.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
If drawing me a picture of his dick in draw something is flirting then he is doing it wrong.
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
The DJ was throwing glowsticks into the crowd and managed to smack one guy in the face with them
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I'm like the total package- I don't want a relationship and I have daddy issues. What more could he want?
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