im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
