I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Did you hook up with him before or after he shaved off half of his eyebrow?
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
She's calming us down by shoving oreos in our mouths
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
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