2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
My low point of the night was when my roommate spit out her jello shot and i took it...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'll bring the beer we scavenged from that other party. What goes around comes around, especially when it's Corona because that shit is not staying in my fridge
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize