I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just gave my mom some ones that look like they've probably been in some strippers cooter. Oops.
Haha. Just tell your mom not to smell them
Hey mom, most of this money I'm giving you is in ones. Don't ask why and whatever you do don't smell them.
Sounds legit to me.
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
