He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
We're too hungover to prance.
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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