I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Well my summer started by me waking up in a tube on the side of the pond this morning with 2 of my friends. So that's good..
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
