I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
That UFC fighter fucked me so hard I have what can only be described as a "cuntcussion"
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
You better fucking tell me or I'm turning blow job week into go fuck yourself week.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
Today, I lack passion for anything but Taco Tuesday.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
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