smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
I just remember going to take a piss and looking down on the floor and thinking "that looks comfortable" and then I was out.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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