she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
of all places to pass out....why right in front of our RA's door? OF ALL PLACES.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
