I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
i'm like carrie bradshaw but prettier and with a penis
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
Randomize
