3 deer just ran past us on the street. At least I get to see some tail tonight
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I applaud your efforts, but I have to say it was the bear we encountered that ultimately shut down the entire operation
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
I have so many feelings about this burrito
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
hey im sorry i made fun of the color of your sheets, but like it was all i could focus on during sex because they were just THAT UGLY
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Randomize
