Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
i just woke up to a text from him apologizing for making me eat a full lemon
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Hahah. They reconnected again?
Like with his penis I guess
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
