MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
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You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
I told him I was engaged, had 911 on speed dial and made him wear his seatbelt, then dropped his drunk ass off at his motel...probably not the night he was expecting.
He passed out with the ball in his hand so no one could play beer pong without him.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
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I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
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