first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
Dude. My sister is off limits. Touch her again and I'll rip off your dick and force feed it to you.
I accept this challenge.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
Randomize
