Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
At a party. It smells like teen pregnancy and sadness in here.
My adult sexuality and some of the best memories of my childhood collided like a Pee Wee Herman wet dream.
Elaborate
Strip Mario-Kart
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
