I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
this weekend will be like the season finale to my life
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Nothing motivates a person to clean their apartment like puking up cheese ravioli beer-tequila chicken wings for eight hours.
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger