Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
we boned then he told me that he had a thing for my gay roommate. worst night ever
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
WHITE RUSSIAN BREAKFAST CEREAL.
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I'm disappointed in the internet. It's two days and there's still no fanfiction based off that Manning/Beckham commercial.
You don't even like football
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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