i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
He asked about stds. I told him I don't have any... which I don't. They are now called sti's. Whooopsie
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
We did however see an 87 year old guy die and get resuscitated last night at the bar. He then finished his beer and his game of pool.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Remember me drinking the vodka from in between your legs?
New high score, I made the stripper choke me while I was getting a lap dance last night
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
she used her teeth again, but this time it was out of love
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
What kind of terrible faithless God would allow vodka and one ply toilet paper to coexist?