ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
All I remember is an overwhelming desire for chicken nuggets...
Yes, you pinned my brother to the floor by the throat and threatened to slaughter his family if he didn't drive to mcdonalds and get you some.
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