Lesson learned: don't hide your vodka in your little brothers toy box.
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
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