how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
Her best friend sent her a random hate text and the song they played at her father's funeral came on the radio. I just got cock blocked by the universe
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
Look, you're talking to the wrong girl here. Tacos>dick always and forever
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
I may have made out with your roommate and your cousin tonight. In my defense I thought both of them were your cousin.
Randomize
