Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
Oh i know my limit. 9 shots after i've given blood.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
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