you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Just woke up. I have a "Detective Jacob Arnold's" business card in my pocket.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
he is allergic to cats. we can only glue dog hair on him. otherwise he might die and i dont want to be responsible for that.
ahaha ok
let's call it "werewolfing"
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
i dont know whats worse..that i woke up in a gorilla suit or that its covered in peanut butter
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
