this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Chick in the kitchen making breakfast.. Yours or mine?
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
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