I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Halfway through missionary I realized I was partially laying on his sleeping dog and idk that just kinda ruined it for me sooo
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
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