two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
Im at that shitty point in my day where I start planning night activities while finger dipping vyvance off of my desk, you got any plans?
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
You kept shouting about how you were the king of all bitches...and doors, for some reason.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
