yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Some guy just stopped me in the bar and asked if I had a shot named after me at another bar called God damn my VaJana hurts? He already knew my name was Jana so I couldn't deny it!
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I just asked her to come in through the window, this pretty much solidifies the whole fuck-buddy thing...
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
