oh yeah I'm gonna practice throwing up so I can be ready for Friday night. and Saturday. Beth is back, diaper and all.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I drove to Chevron at noon and the Hatian lady goes "Oh, nothing to drink yet white boy?"
Thought I woke up to a girl giving me a handy. It was a male nurse inserting a catheter.
for once, the $56 i am about to pay for plan b was actually worth the sex.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
They also submitted to my demands for pizza
Just had an orgasim to the Star Spangled Banner so.. it was all worth it.
we're so committed to being not committed
Randomize
