an ex called crying about her current BF. convo ended in phone sex. i love emotional wrecks
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
The magnum condom fits. I feel like a manly version of cinderella
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