Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
seriously they are like going to hulk burst through. There are perks and downfalls to having big boobs
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
