I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
I know I'm all grown up when I don't have to take my pregnancy test in the store bathroom anymore.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
It's all part of my master plan: have him buy me all I can eat pizza and all I can drink beer AND THEN tell him there was no spark and we're better off as friends.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
