yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
hitting rock bottom=girl fakes converting to christianity in order to get out of having sex with you.
she was a 2....and a legitimate 2. like, helen keller is a 1, this girl...2.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
so im decorating easter eggs with my family and my mom is writing "Jesus is risen" and "God loves you!" on the eggs. i wrote things like "I'm naked!" and "there are drugs in these eggs!" on mine.
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
Went to a wedding reception last night, came home with a Christmas tree and the rest of the keg
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
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