How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
I hope you fall in a pool of honey in an immensely populated region of bears.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
Today's lesson: while in the shower, one should choose between either drinking OR shaving. Not both.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
all I know is id definitely throw up if you guys ever dated so if you do stay the fuck away from me
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
Randomize
